Taoball

Browser game created during
initial lockdown in Canada, 2020

Click to launch game in new tab.
Mouse and keyboard required.

Please refrain from reading my explanation until you've beaten the game!

I made a game inspired by Taoism, therapy, and COVID-19.

Taoism

In March 2020, I found the time and energy to start considering a photography project that I had placed on the back-burner for years: an exploration of the concepts of Taoism through photography. For several years I have found peace by exploring Taoism through the writings in Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu. However, the swift spread of the COVID-19 coronavirus shut down Montréal, which limited my access to the props I required for my photos. I placed this project on hold, but had these teachings tumbling around my brain.

For those unfamiliar with Taoism, it is an ancient Chinese philosophy and folk religion. It promotes living in harmony with the Tao ("The Way"), which could be restated as "living with the way things are." In fact, a well-known phrase that can be attributed to Taoism is "it is what it is." Lao Tzu recommends that we choose The Middle Way to move through life with greater ease: staying centered, balanced, and not choosing resistance. There is an emphasis on non-action throughout the writings.

COVID-19

Around the time that quarantine was initiated in Canada, I read an article from the Washington Post written by Harry Stevens which explained the importance of social distancing. In his article, he provided simple simulations of balls bouncing off each other, visualizing the spread of the coronavirus. The simulations demonstrated that we can minimize the contagion by staying still.

A still from one of Harry Stevens' simulations, visualizing the spread of coronavirus as people contact each other.

In addition to the requirement for physical stillness, I found the same message could apply to my emotions during quarantine. I was dealing with hightened anxiety, and my normal coping strategies blew up in my face much more quickly and severely, making it obvious that they aren't effective anymore. The discomfort of anxiety created a sense of urgency, but my actions were less thoughtful and more destructive when I acted with strong emotion. By fostering the discipline to sit, rooted in self-love and care for my loved ones, I was amazed to see that clarity actually did arrive.

Therapy

I am still reflecting on my group therapy experience in late 2019, which consisted of 10 weeks of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy. This course of therapy was truly helpful for me, and I'm continuing my journey to practise its teachings. Therapy taught me to slow down, take a breath, and sit with the hard emotions rather than act. I learned that I am okay just the way I am, and I don't have to do anything to deserve love, since "deserve" is nothing but a concept.

The importance of this wisdom became obvious as I saw memes and posts from friends appear on my social media, referencing the pain of not knowing what to do with all the free time in quarantine. Many of us have learned that our productivity is the only way to feel comfortable with receiving love, since we can rationalize it through exchange. I sought to bring this unpalatable concept to the forefront with this game.

Proof of Concept

I created this "game" (less fun, more of a conceptual art piece) to convey one of the most profound messages that I discovered through three different avenues: be still, you don't have to do anything. Once we find stillness, we allow everything around us to work however it will. Inaction can create the time and space to evaluate and process our emotions, thoughts, and make better choices. Resistance and avoidance breed anxiety. By simply observing, we can find beauty, patterns, and meaning in what might otherwise appear to be chaos. Many more methaphors can be discovered if you analyze your perspective when you were frustrated, and how you came to the "a-ha" moment during your gameplay.

I hope that this can provide an introduction to meditation, a paradigm shift, or a moment of acceptance to whomever needs it in this strange time.

The irony is not lost on me. I struggled with the absence of assigned tasks, and the abundance of time that I had available for reflection, free of distraction. This art piece is something I built for myself, for others, and something simply to pass the time and learn something new.

Special thanks to:
Haein Oh, Artist, who encouraged me to make a game.
Kelly Hornung, Game Writer, who introduced me to...
Elaine Gusella, Pixelles Game Incubator Coordinator, who introduced me to...
Jennifer Sunahara, Pixelles Game Incubator Coordinator, who introduced me to...
Eleanor Jacques-Morel, Programmer, and my mentor for Taoball.
And thank you to all my friends and family who beta tested!
Montréal, QC

Multidisciplinary artist based in the NYC area,
previously based in Montréal, QC.

Currently working at Hartz Studio.
Email: selina[at]hartz.studio